Just because you sense a need does not mean it’s always your job to fill it. It’s a great quality to have, to sense and understand the needs of others, yet it’s a slippery slope towards codependency, exhaustion and burnout. Today we cover 5 tips when talking about the dreaded NO!
Give yourself TIME. 24 hours or more. Here’s some phrases to get good at that will serve you well in buying time! Rehearse and repeat until it slides off your tongue quicker than a yes or maybe! Repeat after me! “Can you give me til tomorrow to get back to you on that?” OR “I’m gonna need a little time before I can give you an answer to that”. “Let me think about it”. I mean the list goes on, but get to where you can say one of these things quicker than you can respond with a yes or commitment to something. Which leads to tip #2 and why you need TIME!
WHY are you saying no? When you know your priorities you know when you need to say no and this time will help you calculate if saying yes or no is in alignment with your “no misses” in life. This then leads to tip #3.
Write down and know your top 3-5 priorities. I call these those no misses I was referencing earlier. What are you “musts” in life? It sure will make it easier to say no when you’re able to decipher when something would hinder your ability to stay within range of your priorities.
Now to that dreaded response. I suggest starting with a complement! “Thanks for thinking of me for such a responsibility, it’s truly flattering…” IF they continue to push back after you’ve said no I suggest sharing a FEELING because facts can be countered or objected but when someone tries to negate your feelings or counter what you’re expressing then well, that’s a whole other boundary issue that we won’t have time to cover today! Suffice it to say, it’s a good thing you’re telling this person NO!
Allow yourself to become a student of yourself. YOU are your best teacher if you’ll listen. Ask yourself things like “WHY do you feel guilty saying no? Why is it hard to leave others’ needs on the table?” As you ponder these questions it will allow you to dig deeper into who you were made to be and some of the unhealthy messages you’re carrying that aren’t serving you well in life that would better serve you unpacked and taken out of that pack you’re carrying.
Make sure you’re on my list to be notified when enrollment opens for my membership course: 6 steps to taking control where we’ll dive deep into how to be a student of yourself. We’ll unpack how our brains work, how they trick us and what we can do to live more authentic and peaceful lives with meaningful relationships. Go to takecontrolwithbeckie.com to get on our email list for our newsletters, information and more along with a freebie on how to grab hold when you’re spiraling out of control.